Writing a 'good' recount

This week we will be continuing Recount Writing during Language sessions.
We will look at examples of a good recount and try to use the criteria below.

Success Criteria: Recount Writing

Knowledge
 I will describe an event or series of events in chronological
order.
 My writing will be about a main idea and have a focused
purpose.
 I will provide information about who, what, when, where,
why, and how the event happened.
Thinking
 My recount will show how I have reflected on personal
experience.
 I will include details that describe how I felt and what I
thought.
I will describe the event using my five senses.
Communication
 My ideas will be written in a logical sequential order.
 I will include sequencing words to help organize my ideas
(first, then, finally, etc.)
 I will use a voice and style in my writing that reflects my
personality.
 I will use sentences that flow together.
Application
 My personal connections will be clear in my writing.
 I will clearly demonstrate my feelings through my writing

Here is an example of a good recount written by Ella.
Ella had 10 minutes to Brainstorm and plan, 20 minutes to write and 10 minutes to edit and improve.
This is what she was able to produce ...
Grade 4/5 students have a read to see what I am looking for in your writing.

Fourth of July
 
The TV is blasting. The US National team just scored a goal. My Family's booming voices fill the room. Then the doorbell rings. Friends and family walk through the door. Their cheerful faces make me want to jump with joy. It has been so long since I have seen them. I walk into the kitchen weaving through the crowd. The voices of family and friends fills my ears.

Platters of food are set up on a table. My stomach starts to rumble. Delicious smells fill my nose. My mouth waters. I take a sip of my drink. The sweet tart taste of my honey lemonade hits my tongue. The Porcetta hits my tongue and my taste buds dance.

I clear my plate and go outside. The moss squishes between my toes. The grass makes a farting sound every time I step. I stop and look up at the sky. It's getting dark. I run back to the house.

I grab some beach chairs and set them up in the front yard. Everyone comes out and sits down. We sit and wait to hear the first boom  of the fireworks.

The first boom comes. Then over and over again as they repeat.

Great writing Ella